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Album Review: @MariahCarey: "Me. I Am Mariah...The Elusive Chanteuse" (Track By Track)

KLEWJMKLIHSLOIGHFSLOHNGVLS!!! Mariah CareyMOTHA ExtraordinaireGoddess of LightAngel of Music has bestowed upon us her highly anticipated 14th studio album entitled "Me. I am Mariah...The Elusive Chanteuse" and I am here for every. single. drop. of it. Honestly, I am like a lost soul in a desert desperate for any drop of water this album will provide to quench my thirst. And believe you me, it provides PLENTY. MOTHA is giving us EV-VERY-THING we have come to love and expect from her. She is truly the GOAT. If you disagree please tweet me who your fave is so I can list all of the reasons that Mariah is better than them.

Check out this track by track review of "Me. I am Mariah...The Elusive Chanteuse":

1. "Cry"
Typical Mariah. Hit em hard, hit em fast, and hit em where it hurts: in their vocal ineptitude. YAAASSSSSSSS for this ballad. Yes, the lyrics are heavy, but the song is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. I wanted to, well, cry. So kudos MC.

2. "Faded"
Listen here Mariah. You will not be damn near 45 assaulting my eardrums with this earth shattering ass whistle register. LAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD. I didn't know what to do with my life. It ended so abruptly. My life, that is. ALL HAIL THE QUEEN! And Mike Will Made It on the 1s and 2s. Chhh...I know MOTHA was in the studio like 

3. "Dedicated" (feat. Nas)
First and foremost, "Hello Nas. How you dewin?" *Wendell Williams voice* This track is all about the nostalgic journey of albums and individuals that helped to shape her career and the person she is today. That's the most amazing thing in the world. When a TRUE superstar honors her roots. So unlike these new age ingrates. SMH. 

4. "#Beautiful" (feat. Miguel)
I loved this song from jump. I was a little curious about the woman she was singing with but she did the track justice. Good for her. This song is too old for me to rave about it. Check the video out on VEVO. #DoItForMOTHA

5. "Thirsty"
Ok. Talk about changing direction. Mariah turned into MiMi on us real quick! She read for filth giving me all of "Obsessed" tease! You better be feisty Mariah! I had to pull out my church fan and spectacles and shout "READ ON MOTHA!" You used to be Mister all about me/ Now you just thirsty for celebrity/ Best thing that happened to your ass was me/ Pull down them Tom Fords, and act like you see me. Oop. Pick up your face.

6. "Make It Look Good"
If you're gonna get played then hell have fun with it. Put your feelings on a track, throw in some Pseudo-80s Stevie Wonder music, and laugh at your adventures. And that's what is happening on this track. Sometimes girls really just wanna have fun, no Cyndi Lauper.

7. "You’re Mine (Eternal)"
This Valentine's Day single (review) was sweet. MC wanted to tide her fans over until her album dropped and although it was never meant to be a hit all of the REAL lambs loved and appreciated how much she cares for her fans. And the song was good without her even trying. She MURDERED the ending. EVERY. SINGLE. OCTAVE. WAS. HIT. You better respect the QUEEN when you see her!

8. "You Don’t Know What To Do" (feat. Wale)
I'm sorry but I love me some Wale. I'm here for any track he's on but to pair him with MOTHA?!? Clearly, Mariah doesn't care about my existence because I'm dead to the bed. LITERALLY. Plus you can dance like it's 1977...or somewhere around that time.

9. "Supernatural" (With Special Guest Stars “DEM BABIES” a.k.a. Ms. Monroe & Mr. Moroccan Scott Cannon a.k.a. Roc ‘N Roe)
Not DEM BABIES though! Hands down, my fave track so far! She's sleighing, DEM BABIES are sleighing, and I believe the clouds opened up and Jesus wept. I'm not completely sure but I'm fairly certain I saw Heaven. It is the "Supernatural" after all...
Just ignore Nick. I couldn't find a good current picture without him. *whistles*

10. "Meteorite"
We're out of the nursery and back in the club, I love DEM BABIES but I ain't got no kids. *twerks like Miley* Naw lol but Q-Tip provides the beat for this banger and I'm sensing a pattern that MC is nostalgic for the good ol' days, when music really mattered. She's all about ol' skool beats. I can dig it. She makes a comparison between being a star and a meteorite. Meteorite in front of every eye/ A shooting star/ Your fame is the flame/ They watch you burn up, turn up, turnt up all the way. Well I'm turnt up. Anybody else?

11. "Camouflage"
Another ballad is well appreciated from any good lamb. Even when she isn't trying she's effortless. No wonder Patti LaBelle is her fairy godmother. These aging beauties are FLAWLESS.

12. "Money ($ * / …)" (feat. Fabolous)
Fabolous. *crickets* I haven't been here for him since "Superwoman" or whatever that Lil Mo song is called. Is that even him? Chhh...iono. I ain't checking for her either. At any rate, this is a typical track where rich people say how much money doesn't matter. Whatever. You're rich. Bye girl.

13. "One More Try"
This track is a cover of George Michael's "One More Try", updated, of course. And who wouldn't be honored to have MC cover their song? I know George Michael better be.

14. "Heavenly" (No Ways Tired/Can’t Give Up Now)
Mariah just took us allllllllll the way to church with this song. Not with the full gospel choir in the background though, MOTHA. I was shouting! I heard this track in public and plum forgot whereTF I was. I believe I scared many a white person. I was speaking in tongues:  "ComingInAChevyLeavingInAHonda!" I even caught the Patti LaBelle spirit and we know she is all about shouting hunni!

There are also 3 extra tracks on the deluxe edition:

15. "It’s A Wrap" (feat. Mary J. Blige) [Deluxe edition]
Now see Mary J, I can't take seriously post that BK fiasco. I mean surely divas in the past have belted for burgers but not quite in the way that MJB demolished that song. Anywho, being that Mary J is a studio singer...I hope they NEVER perform this track live unless she lip syncs for her life. Other than that...this track is LIFE! They are both singing for the absolute musical GAWDS! Without a doubt, one of my fave tracks! A classic duet. SN: this track is called "Its A Wrap" and all I could think of was a chicken wrap. *inserts crying laughing emojis"

16. "Betcha Gon’ Know" (feat. R. Kelly) [Deluxe edition]
I was pleasantly surprised by this track, being that R. Kelly is a perv and I don't expect much from him after that "Black Panties" nonsense. He's crass, uncouth, and just WRONG. But he actually pairs very well with MOTHA. He can still go away and I wouldn't think twice about it but whatevs...

17. "The Art of Letting Go" [Deluxe edition]
I love this song but isn't it old...? Oh well. Enjoy the song. Again.

I absolutely ADORE this entire album. I can do without a couple of the features *cough* R. Kelly and Fabolous but MC's performance was AMAZING all the way through. How can you not love this woman?!? She has aged like fine wine and she backs up her vocal prowess with absolute flawless execution. I definitely value and respect those 5 octaves. And no one and nothing can compare to that whistle register! Please believe others have tried, lied, and falsified their vocals but Mariah is the GAHTDAMN GREATEST OF ALL TIME. There is NONE like her. 

Get your copy of "Me. I Am Mariah...The Elusive Chanteuse"  in stores and online TODAY! 

Natasha Marie

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